Just thinkin’

I have taken a long break from any type of “blogging”. I find that most of the time I tend to spit out a bunch of self-centered whining, and expect it to be interesting to other people.

And a revelation hit me last night. Most of my talking is really the same way.

I love to talk. My mouth runs constantly, and moves so fast my brain can hardly keep up. Do I think through how things are going to sound? No. Do I consider whether everyone really wants to hear this story? No. Do I think that maybe I don’t know these people well enough to spit out so much about myself? No. I just talk and talk.

So, I found this Proverb this morning. Proverbs 18:21 (NLT) “Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.”

Or it can really annoy people.

So, this is one of those areas in life where I know I need to improve, and yet, I have no hope that it can actually happen. Kind of like wanting to eat healthy and lose weight. You know that with a little determination and self-discipline, you could really accomplish something great, but yet, the draw of apathy is much stronger for some reason.

Before I get too long winded I will end. I don’t know anyone who reads this anymore, so this is basically a way to get this out of my head, and not into some poor soul’s ear. I’ll be providing enough words later……

Well, I’ve been listening to some Sermons lately from a Mr. N.T. Wright. I found links to them from www.ntwrightpage.com, a great website with a lot of his works. He is Anglican, and the Bishop of Durham in Europe. He’s an amazing thinker and teacher. I’ve actually ordered three of his books from Amazon.com. I’m excited to delve into them. The books are about who Jesus really is, examining the historical setting, and the cultural implications of the things he said and did.

Sometimes, I just step back and think that I have no idea what the Bible is talking about, because I don’t know any of the cultural norms of the intended audience. If I wrote here, “My friend made me so mad! I’m going to kill him”, you would all know what I mean. I don’t mean I’m actually going to take his life, but give him a piece of my mind. The last comment I wrote is another thing that would make no sense to someone outside of our communication norms. A piece of my mind? How do you give that away?

So, anwyay, it’s incredibly enlightening to study the historical context, and to get a glimpse into how Jesus’ words and actions would have been perceived by the people who encountered him.

I want to know him, you know? Really know him. I want to love him, and I want to be a person who embraces his grace, and lives in submission to him. That’s all so churchy and religious sounding, but I don’t know how else to express it. Why say I’m a believer if I don’t care about really living what I say I believe? I just don’t want to waste my time on something like that.

There’s my blurb of the day. Hope all is well in the Vox community.

I’ve come to this point in my life where I feel like I have signed on to the thoughts and ideas of other people, without ever owning them for myself.  If it’s what was preached at church, taught in sunday school, or said on Focus on the Family, I’ve listed it on the “Here’s what Aaron thinks” list that I keep in my back pocket (in case of emergencies).

Am I being rebellious now that I want to throw that all out the window and rediscover it all with a new perspective.  I think that might be part of the reason.  But, I think that I just desire to learn the truth, and own it as something that I have put energy and thought into.  I want to be able to have a Biblical understanding for myself, rather than just saying, “Well, according to…..”.  Of course I respect the pastors in my life, and the teachers I’ve had.  I’m not rejecting them or their teachings.  I just feel like I need to take a new look at things.

The funny thing is, I feel like I need to do it in secret, though posting it here as blown my cover.  But, I want to have a better understanding of tithing and giving, women in ministry, evangelism, discipleship, spiritual gifts, etc.  I want to know what other believers think of things, not just the convention of my denomination.  But, it feels like questioning these things can be perceived by some as questioning Jesus.  I’m not!  I just want to live in the freedom that God intended, and I want to be obedient to him.  That’s the journey I’m on.

Well, I’m getting ready to head off to Bible Study. I have to say, that with my mind swimming like it is from all of the conversations on this website, I’ll probably have a tough time following the lesson.

I’ve got attitude problems in my life. I can’t keep a consistent opinion about anything.

Tonight, I want to enjoy my brothers and sisters. I want to enjoy the meal we eat together. I want to know that the songs I sing to the Lord are received by him as real praise. I want to hear what God intends as we are taught from the scripture. And I want to come one step closer to actually obeying it. Then maybe it won’t be so confusing to me anymore.

I should have 2 hours of sleep under my belt by now, but I just can’t make myself go to bed.  I have been readng vox posts for hours, and even making some comments (though I have an extreme fear that my written communications will be misinterpreted). 

I like reading blogs.  People’s ideas are interesting.

I could go into a long story of being confused and trying to figure everthything out, but I’ll refrain.  I think I’ll pray instead.  I’ll pray that God would reveal Himself to us in truth.  I’ll pray that the body of Christ would remain unified in the purpose of serving Christ, and serving people.  And so ends my random posting of the day.

Passion is something that I sometimes think I don’t have.  But then I realize, I do have passion, just not for the things that I would desire to be passionate about.

I’m passionate about being entertained.

I’m passionate about being liked.

I’m passionate about pleasing my employer.

But, am I passionate about serving my Savior?  I want to say yes.  I want to say that it is what I live for.  But I must be honest that my actions speak louder than any words.  I must confess that I would much rather sound like a spiritual guru and describe my undying devotion to serving Christ.  But, I’ve reached the point where looking the part just won’t do anymore.  I’m ready to live the life.  I’m ready to care about the poor, the hungry, the rejected.  I say I’m ready.  I guess what I mean to say is I want to be ready.

I read a lot.  I learn a lot.  I study a lot.  I do nothing.  I think James describes that in his letter.  He would say that I am like a man who looks in the mirror, and then after walking away, forgets what he looks like.  I think it’s time I really look in that mirror, and prepare to remember what I see.

Well, I suppose at some point I have to introduce my favorite pet, Hutch. He is the lighter colored dog. He’s pictured here with Thatcher, his brother, who also happens to belong to my friend, Robby.

Do you ever just look at your pet as he walks around your house and think, “I have an animal that just walks around in my house”? I mean, it really is strange that if a squirrel was in my house, I would freak out and try to get that dirty animal back outside. But my dogs can just hop right next to me on the couch, and I don’t think anything of it. Who decided that dogs weren’t to be treated like other animals?

Well, welcome to my page. I hope to put some pictures on here soon, and begin the process of writing out thoughts and experiences!